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Archive for the ‘on any given day’ Category

There are days when, like Mr. Angry, I start believing I, too, could build an empire on porn referrals. My Search Engine Terms, defined as the words people use to find my blog, are always graphic.

Today’s Search:
grab his balls
squeeze his nuts
girls
angry sex
6 girls learn to masturbate
MASTURBATING MAMAS
taught me to masturbate
rachel ray hooker boots

Yesterday’s Search:

filipina are they a problem?

Search from two days ago:
punishing babysitters sex
hooker boots
nuts march 2007
germs after going to the toilet
i saw my mother masturbate

And then, there are the really weird ones:
summary of nectar in a sieve by kamala m
wide sargasso sea feel sorry for
danticat breath eyes memory house on man

What in the name of leprechauns is ‘danticat breath eyes memory house on man’? Why should anyone feel sorry for the wide sargasso sea? This is the first problem I couldn’t explain away with a conspiracy theory or any theory, for that matter.

Students of ESL (English as a Secondary Language), stay away from my site. You’ll only confuse me and I’d only end up messing with your heads. This journal will not teach you subject-verb agreement.

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It’s a common Filipino belief that a pregnant woman can have a say in how her child will turn out as an adult simply by carefully selecting what she eats. For example, when a child is dark-skinned, people (especially old crones and barrio-living ones) immediately assume the mother loved to eat chocolate porridge, chocolate, or other dark-colored food during her pregnancy.

Her: Your little girl is so smart. What did you eat when you were expecting?

Me: Friend egg, corned beef, and penis.

Her: (incredulously] Really? Which animal’s penis?

Me: My husband’s.

Taut silence.

Me: (in an attempt to break the strained silence) I’ve also been told I’m such a chatterbox because when my mom was pregnant, not a week would go by when she doesn’t eat pig’s vagina.

Again, taut silence, and this time, even I had to admit the less words I say, the better.

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