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Archive for April, 2007

1) he makes enough money to present every ex-girlfriend, from first-grade to present, with emerald-encrusted replicas of his penis.
2) he is happy, and everyone he loves and who loves him back are happy as well.
3) he has a wealth of experience to make up for lack of material wealth.
4) his penis doubles as a firefighter’s ladder.

Cast your votes now!

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It’s not just oil or water you pump; it’s penis, too. I kid you not. There is such a thing as a penis pump, and it’s handy to have around for the moments when Junior fails you.

The basic penis pump is made up of a hollow plastic cylinder and a tube connecting the cylinder to a pump mechanism that looks like a pistol grip.

How do you use it?

You place the tube over your penis and hold onto it tightly. Naturally, you’d need a water-based lubricant for this. If you use it without, the pump wouldn’t have the traction required to keep it stuck to your body. Then, with the pump securely clamped on your pecker, you can start pumping away. The result is instant erection.

Of course, if you’re lucky enough to be in bed with me, you’d have no need for penis pumps. There’s no reason you’d know penis pumps exist, to begin with. In fact, when you’re with me, you might even be tempted to buy a product called:

White Rose The Jiaqi Rejuvenator Special Result Pawpaw Distillate
Guaranteed One Minutes Dispel Horniness

This amazing product from Taiwan promises “elov skin-rejuvenating o.p. c-e, skin-imitating active factor ARC and highly active Vit. E, can go into inner skin layers quickly to activate cells, dissolve and divest aged keratose and deposits within 1 minute, promote the skin regeneration and retard, decompose melanin. It may leave skin more more elastic, smooth, white and youthful instantly from inside out in whole!

Use: Days for sub-two, first shall face wetness, and weild the product gently knead, then with cleanly water washing.

Notice: Avoid into eyeball, if immodestly, shortly washing for cleanly water.”

These Taiwanese merchants are such innovative people of commerce and science, aren’t they? We all should buy their products, but not before we’ve shipped them the most patient of our English teachers.

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